Does 'Love' have to be reciprocated in order for it to be real?

I fell in love with someone last year after knowing them for a few months


It wasn't reciprocated and we went our separate ways.


The overwhelming feedback I have had from friends, family, online correspondents and even a therapist I hired (and still see because of this issue) is that if the Love wasn't reciprocated that it isn't really 'Love'


This seems absurd to me.


That one can only be deemed healthy if the Love is reciprocated and if it isn't one should:


"Let it go"


"Move on"


"Find someone else"


"Get a hobby"


"They aren't worth it"


"Get over it"





It's odd that one is seen as 'dysfunctional' if one continues to love someone who doesn't love them back





This makes 'Love' seem very expendable - like it's a shirt you buy and it doesn't fit so you can discard it.





Anyway I am going to have this out with my therapist this week because I like to look at things from all angles.





If you continue to love someone who has gone one is accused of being obsessed ... the Love should

Does 'Love' have to be reciprocated in order for it to be real?
Ugh.





Get a hobby. It wasn't love.
Reply:Love is like a two way street. There has to be feelings on both individuals parts for love to last and grow. If only one person is in love in a relationship then that relationship will die and at least one of the parties will move on and if the other person doesn't move on, then they'll wind up having mental health issues that aren't healthy for them. So to answer your question, yes there has to be at least 2 people in love for the relationship to survive.
Reply:Love is not expendable. It doesn't just disappear like that. Love is painful, and it is real even when it isn't reciprocated. You do need to move on because you can't make someone love you back, and if they won't, then you are wasting your time and energy and love on someone who you are not meant for. The love will subside as time goes on, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't real love.
Reply:I think you are right to argue this with your therapist. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.





Would your therapist say it is fair to suggest that if you are craving a cheeseburger from McDonalds, but are unable to get one that your craving does not exist?





I think you need to hire a new therapist.
Reply:I've never heard that one...Love often doesn't occur for 2 people at the same time. That doesn't mean the first one to feel it isn't really feeling it until the other one does also.





Yes, you can fall in love with someone who never has those feelings for you...
Reply:Many people don't understand the word 'love' or what that means to the person who has that emotion. Yes, you can 'love' someone who is gone from your life forever ... but if you don't also 'move on' and find new love, different love, and eventually reciprocated love then you are 'dysfunctional.' You may ALWAYS love the person who is gone, but as you grow and change, that 'love' will become less a part of your everyday life and you will have new and different loves ...


I was told by a therapist that there is NO ONE in the world I can depend on 100% ... but I am now married to a man I CAN depend on 100% and he can also depend on me 100% ... some therapists just have a 'half view' of the world. Why do I say only 'some'? Because I am a psychologist, and I do believe that we all should find that 'one person we can depend on totally' ... but that also means that the person should also be able to 'depend on us totally, too' ...


Don't have this 'out' with your therapist ... simply say that you realize you are communicating differently on the 'meaning' of the word 'love' and you think that your time would be better spent on helping you to 'move forward' and not 'dwelling on the past.'
Reply:As Shakespeare said, "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds." It's still love, even if it's just a one-way street. On the other hand, you don't want to get trapped in a dead-end. Once you start taking steps to get over it, you'll start feeling better about life. That will put you in a better position to meet someone new. No one wants to get involved with a person who's stuck on someone else to such an extent that his or her own life is on hold.

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