Does 'Love' have to be reciprocated in order for it to be real?

I fell in love with someone last year after knowing them for a few months


It wasn't reciprocated and we went our separate ways.


The overwhelming feedback I have had from friends, family, online correspondents and even a therapist I hired (and still see because of this issue) is that if the Love wasn't reciprocated that it isn't really 'Love'


This seems absurd to me.


That one can only be deemed healthy if the Love is reciprocated and if it isn't one should:


"Let it go"


"Move on"


"Find someone else"


"Get a hobby"


"They aren't worth it"


"Get over it"





It's odd that one is seen as 'dysfunctional' if one continues to love someone who doesn't love them back





This makes 'Love' seem very expendable - like it's a shirt you buy and it doesn't fit so you can discard it.





Anyway I am going to have this out with my therapist this week because I like to look at things from all angles.





If you continue to love someone who has gone one is accused of being obsessed ... the Love should

Does 'Love' have to be reciprocated in order for it to be real?
Sadly ... it does seem at this time that you are Obsessed.





Yes, you DO (and DID) have valid feelings ... but when the other moved on ... when they stepped away and did not want a relationship --





One needs to HONOR that other's feelings .. and yes, STEP BACK and AWAY from them at that time.





It is not to say that you may (still) love the person ... but .. really ... sit down and examine what you really want at this stage of your life.





Is what you consider 'love' now a feeling of 'rejection' -- a feeling of 'desperation' for something ... anything .. so that you are NOT alone ... can you FACE being ALONE, SINGLE ... and yes, go forth CONFIDENTLY (as a Single) ...





Or are you so AFRAID of being SINGLE and stepping out that you have retained hold of the one feeling that you had (for this loss) ... that you can NOT get past that point and have STAGNATED in your life at this time -- to the point where 'obsessions' are driving your entire 'world view'?





PLEASE ... before you do something you may regret -- look at it from another point of view -- and see if the FEAR of being ALONE is greater than any other factor now in your life. Sometimes .. that is why OBSESSED individuals hold on to the PAST ... and why they can't seem to move forward confidently on their own.





Take stock of what you ARE NOW ... having survived something NOT the BEST for you ... NOT meant to be ... and ... GO OUT and SEE what LIFE can BRING ANEW into your LIFE ... for you may eventually be surprised and find a much better LOVE in the future!
Reply:Lasting love is mutual. You'll both know it when it happens.
Reply:No such thing as love, it's just a state of the mind.
Reply:It's called puppy love...we all went thru it before we grew up...it's nothing new just part of growing up...





Teen angst...it's funny...lol
Reply:The answer above given by Neal9gsg is so off the mark it is unbelievable that he wrote it.


I disagree with almost everything he said and it seems as if the 'coldness; and one-sidedness' is a problem that he himself has.





I got the jist of your question in that you simply asked if love is any less real if the other person doesn't love you back and the very simple answer is 'no'!





Your question was very eloquently put and objectively philosophical. Clearly you have an enquiring mind.





I hope things work out for you and good luck.





Ignore jerks like Neal. He has problems.
Reply:You may have felt love. If it's one way, that's not true love. Trying to hold on to a feeling for someone who doesn't feel the same way about you is unhealthy for you and for the other person.





You may have Erotomanic tendencies. By your behaviour, I'd be concerned about your state of mind. If you REALLY love somebody, you love them enough to accept their feelings. That means letting go.





If you could be in love with somebody who feels the same way towards you, would you choose the unreciprocated love you have now instead?





I think you have to learn that we all as individuals are not the centre of the universe. It's not all about you or me or anyone else. Your feelings are no more or less valid than somebody elses. You have to move on and accept a deeper love and accept that you may never see that person again but will always hope for them to be well and happy.





If you can't accept the other persons feelings at all, that's not love...that would be obsession.





The functional reaction is to say "Oh Well", feel sad, maybe cry a little and heal your pain. The reason your behaviour is dysfunctional is that you aren't really accepting the truth.





I've never met you but the way you have written is cold, aloof and grandiose. You obviously have an inferiority complex and have difficulty making relationships and empathising with others.





It does hurt to be in this situation, most of us have been there at one time or another.





You're trying to hard to sound poetic. Love is expenable. It lasts for as long as it lasts....could be a day, could be a lifetime.





"I like to look at things from all angles." you said. Truthfully you don't, you believe you are right and want the world to see it your way. If you really looked in to yourself you would realise this is your way of avoiding dealing with your emotions.





It doesn't make you a bad person but the things you might do as a result of your thought processes could be very negative.


You need to let go of your preconceptions about love and see it for what it is - an elusive, fickle emotion.





Then you sent me this email which has a very different tone from your public face, You wrote:





I have never read a more judgemental, biased and pompous piece of psychobabble in all my life





You projected the qualities of 'coldness' 'aloofness' etc onto me when there is absolutely no evidence for that





You tried to superimpose qualities onto what I wrote that quite simply weren't there





Re-read your post and analyse how many unfounded negative comments you made and then go and look in the mirror and ask yourslef from what part of you they surface ....





You are a little bit frightening in your swift, negative tendency to leap to conclusions.





I like to look at things from all angles because I do!





Idiot








I've locked people up for stalking others who say almost exactly the things you have said and justify 300 phonecalls a day to somebody who wants nothing more to do with them.





If you want me to put this bluntly, at 38 you should be able to deal with getting dumped. I don't agree that you feelings weren't sincere, I think they are but this was a year ago and you aren't letting go of that emotional state...and you need to for your own good. Love sometimes is a one way street. You have to accept that. Continuing a love with somebody who doesn't love you will only bring you pain and misery. You'll always feel rejected. The reason everyone tells you to move on is because they don't want you to suffer.





Your not that same person as the one beneath me are you, the one with a similar name to your own? using different personas?

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