Does 'Love' have to be reciprocated in order for it to be real?

I fell in love with someone last year after knowing them for a few months


It wasn't reciprocated and we went our separate ways.


The overwhelming feedback I have had from friends, family, online correspondents and even a therapist I hired (and still see because of this issue) is that if the Love wasn't reciprocated that it isn't really 'Love'


This seems absurd to me.


That one can only be deemed healthy if the Love is reciprocated and if it isn't one should:


"Let it go"


"Move on"


"Find someone else"


"Get a hobby"


"They aren't worth it"


"Get over it"





It's odd that one is seen as 'dysfunctional' if one continues to love someone who doesn't love them back





This makes 'Love' seem very expendable - like it's a shirt you buy and it doesn't fit so you can discard it.





Anyway I am going to have this out with my therapist this week because I like to look at things from all angles.





If you continue to love someone who has gone one is accused of being obsessed ... the Love should

Does 'Love' have to be reciprocated in order for it to be real?
Yes, you have a point...and you sound very intelligent.





I believe that you can certainly love someone without being loved in return. Look at newborn babies: parents love their children before the children learn to love in return. It is clearly one-sided at first.





Look at religions. Christianity teaches that Jesus/God loves everyone, whether or not they love Him back. Does that mean the love is not "real?" Just because it's not reciprocated?





Loving someone isn't dysfunctional. But when you spend all your time thinking about someone who doesn't care about you, it DOES become dysfunctional because you aren't being productive. You can still love someone and try to move on with your life.





But I understand where you're coming from with the "let it go" type comments. It's not that easy. It's not easy to eat healthy, exercise, or get up in the morning either. We just have to do it, even though we all know it's painful.
Reply:No I dont think love has to be reciprocated in order for it to be real. you can love someone who may never love you back.. but the reality of loving someone and not having them love you back is what you need to deal with.
Reply:I think it can be "real", but if it's not reciprocated it's only realistic to "let it go" and "move on" at some point. There's nothing wrong with expecting a person to be realistic.
Reply:When it's reciprocated, it certainly will help you avoid all those darn stalker laws. You might wanna, oughta find another one, k?
Reply:This is a scary proposition that you present. I am glad that you are seeking therapy. It can only be a good thing.
Reply:You can truly love someone and them not love you back. This is just saying you weren't meant for each other. It doesn't mean that the love you had for that person was diminished. This makes for a painful time for you when you put your heart out there and someone doesn't accept it. there isn't anything ;you can do if the guy doesn't love you the way want him to. You can't make him love you. Next time make sure you aren't looking for someone to love. take it slow and look for a guy to be a good friend. Develop your relationship with him until it grows into love for both of you. Love doesn't happen overnight. it starts like a grain of sand and slowly fills up the beach. You will find the guy for you some day. Just be patient and trust that it will happen. You can't make it happen.
Reply:Dood... First of all... you can't buy love, okay? So don't compare it to a nice shirt you bought that doesn't fit. Plus the shirt will never love you back in a bazillion years.





Anyways. I see your point. Your definition of love is wrong. It might be appropriate for a shirt, your favorite tv show, or your favorite flavored ice cream, but it is not appropriate for Love associated with couples...aka people.





Yea, you can love your little nephew because he's so cute; and maybe he hates you because you always give him a bear hug and a noogie, which he hates. That is a form unreciprical love. Yes, that is expendable, as you say. You can choose not to love the little brat back because he doesn't mean all that much to you.





But the love you seek is couple love. That's when two people care enough for each other to want to be together. They don't have to have anything in common, just the common desire to want to make each other happy because it brings them joy to do so. That's love. That's not expendable because it's so hard to find that right person. Some people search their whole life and never find that person. Some people end up just "settling". There's no such thing as "real" love. What is real is in the eye of the beholder. Love is infinitely complex and only gets stronger over time as you spend more and more time together.





What you have is just desire. You desire someone who does not know or desire you back. Rest assure, though, you'll find someone. There's a person for everyone! When you enjoy making someone happy and they enjoy making you happy, you know you've found the one. Then nothing else will matter to you!





Right now. I desire pizza, which I also happen to love almost as much as I love my wife. That was meant to be funny, by the way.