To be in love?

I asked a question about being in love with your husband, should you stay............Someone told me(and I am not trashing you if you read this!!!!)that our marriage vows did not say to "be in love" honor and cherish, but "to love" honor and cherish. So yeah, I love him, I love him for the wonderful times that we have had together, I love him for the most beautiful precious children he gave me, but does that mean, even if I am not in love with him anymore, and I am unhappy in our relationship together as husband and wife, I still, morally, have to stay with him because our marriage vows didn't say to "be in love"? I will always love him for what he has given me, but I don't know if we are the best parents we can be or the best people or friends we can be in living in this life as husband and wife. I don't think that two people who aren't in love with each other and are more unhappy then they are happy, should live the remainder of their lives as husband and wife.

To be in love?
Healing a relationship after betrayal usually can't be done without counseling. Rebuilding trust takes a lot of effort.





You can fall in love again with your husband, that to takes work.





Reading material:


Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw


Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman


Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
Reply:LOL...........too bad the vows do not include something about using good relationship skills.........but then, the skills would have to be spelled out and explained in great detail, right in the vows, for most folks.


Being in love or to love, honor, etc. is only a part of it. The major part is all the relationship skills that make up this 'love'....but are rarely explained or shown.
Reply:you can fall out of love with them that doesn't mean that you wont come back around a be happy (IN LOVE) with him again. A relationship has its ups and downs. Just give some time. Be respectful of him and he of you. You got married for a reason! Right???
Reply:lisen you need to do what makes you happy why being unhappy! and do you think is not going to happen again in another relationship that you going to fall out of love with the person, and do you think married is easy or everything is going to be perfect......
Reply:yeah, it's not as simple as being "in love". and being a little unhappy is not a reason to leave - frankly, that's selfish and indicative of the short-attention-spanned society in which we live. marriage takes work. if you still love him and there are no serious issues (like abuse or constant infidelity), then you have no reason to divorce, really. relationships have high and low points - remember how the vows also include, "in good time and in BAD?" well, that phrase is there for a reason. this is one of the bad times in your marriage - are you going to bail? or are you going to fight to work things out, or at least give it a shot? don't be resigned to be unhappy, but work at making yourself happy and your relationship better.


*if all that is true, then the reason for a break up shouldn't be "because you don't love him anymore" - it should be the reasons you just listed. if those are the things that made you fall out of love with him, then yeah, it's probably justified.
Reply:Just because two people love each other, doesn't mean they are "in" love with each other. We love our pets, goldfish - but we love people in different ways. Don't stay in something that you are not truly happy. Happiness comes from inside. Trust your instinct - the wedding vows sometimes don't last - dig down inside - find your own happiness. Good luck