I have a short love story--- called * everlasting love?

Rose and Charlie were teenagers in love ever since the day they met. She was only eighteen and he was twenty five. Her mother didn’t want them to be together, but they knew from the beginning that they were meant to be together. It was April 21, 1920 when they had met for the first time. Charlie was an Immigrant from Italy and trying to find a job. Jenny, Rose’s mother agreed that he could stay with them as long as he would clean their house and behave properly. Within the months that they knew each other, they grew to be closer and soon fell completely in love. Eventually when her mother figured out what was happening, she completely prohibited it. The only way they the two of them could be happy was if they would move away. On May 13, 1921, the two of them decided to move back to his hometown Rome, Italy.


Before leaving, Rose left a letter on her front step to her mother saying where she was going and how sorry she had been for leaving, but she loved Charlie and nothing could ever tear them apart. Hand in hand, the two of them left the country, ready to continue their life together. The closest shipping port that was close to Wheeling, West Virginia was in New York. At 5:57 AM they took a train to arrive at their destination.


Charlie would often look at her with such admiration; just touching her hand would fill him with joy. She had long dark brown hair and radiant light brown eyes. Without her, he would be completely lost. He loved the way she would talk about the most random of things at times and could write lines of poetry just as an angel plays its harp.


His thoughts of his soul mate were interrupted as she touched his hand and spoke in a soft voice,


“Are you okay?”


“Yeah I’m fine; just thinking about how much you mean to me.”


He always knew the right things to say to her to make her feel just right. She was confident there was not another man who was more loving and compassionate than Charlie. They had been together for all of this time and had never once raised his voice to her.


Two days later they finally arrived in Rome. It was a long trip, but as long as they were together, they knew that everything was going to be alright and they would make it through. Before they had left Wheeling, Charlie sent a letter to his family asking them of they would pick up the two of them at the shipping port. Although Rose was also Italian, she was born in America and had never been to Italy.


Looking at all of the different statues and marvelous buildings, Rose looked out the window, admiring the meaning of this beautiful country. Charlie grabbed her hand and said, “I love you Rose”. With a bright smile, she looks at him and replies with a smile and says, “What would I do without you.”


Over the next few years, the two of them got closer than ever and spent a lot of time together. Charlie found a job at the “The Colosseum” as a tour guide. Rose just stayed at home and watched over their two children, Landon who was two years old and Cameron who was a little over three years old.


After being away from her mother for so long, she started to miss her. Although the places in Rome were magnificent, she missed her home. She sent her letter about three times a month and only had a few replies. Throughout all the time that she had been away, things were starting to look okay for her and her mother’s relationship.


Besides the fact that Rose missed her mother, she loved it in Rome. They were only about a twenty minute drive from “Fontana di Trevi” which was a large fountain that was said if you threw a coin over your left shoulder you would have good luck.


Everything was going on sail just right throughout the past few years since they have lived in Rome until suddenly everything they thought they knew would change their lives forever.


Charlie was a man who was famous for his health. He could go out in twenty degree weather in shorts and a tee shirt and not catch a cold. That is why whenever he started getting headaches, vomiting, and a terrible skin rash, Rose started to get worried. He kept insisting that he was fine and nothing was wrong. It was the physical attributes that made her worry. In the middle of the day, he would often drift off to sleep sitting in the chair, and complained of terrible leg pain. After four days, Rose called the doctor when she realized that Charlie was not getting any better. For the acceptation that she was taking care of their children, she would not leave his side.


Nothing could tear the two of them apart, at least until the doctor had told them the news on what Charlie had. After doing various tests and he also noticed that Charlie was not getting any better, he sat the two of them down and told them the terrible news; Charlie had Polio and was not going to live much longer.


With complete dismay and disbelief, Rose cries out, “What? No this can’t be happening; I love him; No!” Doctor Vicario explained what was going to happen to him. Charlie, who thought he had a simple cold, was more wrong than he ever assumed. Contacting the family, he had visitors each day, just telling him that they cared for him and their love would never change. Surprisingly, Jenny, Rose’s mother came up and apologized for everything that happened and told him that she hoped he would get well soon. Knowing that he probably would not make it much longer, Rose never left his side. Always telling him how she was so in love with him and how that would never change.


Three weeks later, Charlie Spoto passed away from Poliomyelitis. Jenny offered her to come home with her mother, to spare the pain and so that she could be with her family. “He didn’t even get a chance at life. Why him? I love him. How can I live without him? What am I going to do?” She would say over and over again to her mother. Rose was serious about what she said to her mother. They had made plans to have Rose move back with her mother to America, but she did not make it to the next day. When Jenny walked into Rose’s bedroom, she found a bottle of sleeping pills beside her bed and her daughter lying face down in her pillow. “Rose, Oh my god, ROSE! Wake up sweetie, come on, wake up, PLEASE!”


Exactly twenty four hours after Charlie had passed away, Rose Spoto died of an overdose of sleeping medication and a broken heart.

I have a short love story--- called * everlasting love?
You should post that on worthyofpublishing.com. ON this site, anyone can steal that and you don't have copywritten proof that it's yours. But on that site, you have a copyright, so you do have irrefutable proof. You can get more polished reviews and ratings. If enough people think it's good, a publishing company may look at it. You should really read my featured novel Witch Tourniquet and my Prelude to Witch Tourniquet. The prelude is just a bunch of haikus, but I want people to help me choose one.
Reply:WOW! That was long. It was really good, too! Did you know that the day they met was on April 21 which is my birthday!
Reply:omg i love that story! %26lt;3
Reply:Its too common the story.
Reply:wow thats long!!!!!!!!!
Reply:Britt,





This isn't bad for a story with very little dialogue. It does need a bit of cleaning up though. Some misspelled words, and more paragraphs added. It's kind of bulky the way it is.





You also don't need capital letters to show force or someone raising their voice. Her mother shouting to Rose will stand out as Rose! The same with Please!





All and all this is nicely done. The ending could use a little work as well. It sort of tells the reader rather than shows the death of Rose.





For instance:





Exactly twenty four hours after the death of her husband, with the aid of sleeping pills, Rose Spoto died of a broken heart.





You see, 'showing' is (with the aid of sleeping pills) and then the broken heart comment.





I wish you well in your writing.





PJ M
Reply:It's really good, and really cute and sad. But, you did call them both teenagers when they met, though he was 25. And he can go out in 20 degree temperature in a t shirt and shorts? It's about 5 degrees here and I can do that no problem, but then again, it is canada, I'm used to the cold air after a long work out.


Anywho, good story. Reminded me of the notebook.