Story of lost love. Opinions please?

Story of


Love Lost





I once had this man so handsome and true.


Everyday was bliss and our love grew and grew.


It was truly amazing the love that we shared.


It was something to cherish but I felt so scared.


Our love was undeniable and one of a kind.


True soul mates but I had been so blind.





The day had come when he knelt on one knee.


He declared his love and proposed to me.


As he said those words I began to feel ill.


The thought of marriage gave me a frightening chill.


I had dreamt of this day and it was as perfect as can be,


but to my dismay; worries got the best of me.


I told him I love you, but I don’t want to wed.


I’ll never forget the endless tears my man shed.





Shortly after he lost faith in our love.


He lost all the hopes of the life we dreamt of.


A year went by and I missed him so much.


I missed our long talks, I missed his soft touch.


I missed his smile and how he held me so tight.


I missed how much our love felt so right.


I knew in that moment I had made a mistake.


I had let him down I had given him heart ache.





As I walked to his house I didn’t know what I would say.


Did I mess up too bad because I pushed him away?


I arrived at his house scared and confused.


My heart longed for him, but his I abused.


But I got the courage to knock on his front door.


I would tell him I loved him I would hold back no more.





A women answered with a belly big and round.


I asked for him but she said he’s out of town.


She told me she missed him but soon he shall return.


My heart sank and I felt helpless and alone.


She asked for my name, but I told her a lie.


I am just an old friend, and then I said goodbye.


I ran away with tears streaming down my face.


I was so mad at my myself I felt such disgrace.





Have you ever been so scared that you made a mistake?


Did it ever take too long before you decided to awake?


If you ever have the chance to be happy for life.


don’t be scared, and become his wife.

Story of lost love. Opinions please?
hmm what do you want an opinion on?


If its on the poem itself well its straight forward and very simple rhyme. Its like a direct story with no metaphors and complicated symbolism. Its ok for yourself but as a poem itself does not really show greatness.


If you want an opinion on the story itself.


Its a sad but common case it seems. But untill you find someone who is right for you it will seem like a mistake i suppose. Everything happens for a reason since you cant change things regret is time wasted. Learn and dont let one choice mess with your future anymore.
Reply:Wow, such sorry. Frecks...It was really moving, and i understood it well. No One should have to feel the pain of heartache, but it happens to the best of us.





You did a great job on the rhyme scheme, I'm proud of you on that. You put actual emotions into this, bout made me cry. Your Poetry is a trus work of art, in a literature sense. Good job, Great job!





As Always Chica....You Rock!
Reply:This is how I feel about marriage too: scared and reluctant... I think it's a well-written poem, it teaches a very good lesson. So sad though... *sigh*
Reply:so sad, regretful and disappointing.....but beware of your grammar... 'women' part.........
Reply:that is sad





i get heartache just reading it





i know how that sort of thing feels
Reply:I love it!!!


And I completely disagree with the person above me, the length was appropriate, the poem was just great!


Loved the rhyming parts. The length was apprporiate because its a STORY of a lost love, not a poem.


Anyway, I give you 10/10, the poem was wonderful!
Reply:Very very true, I love the poem and I feel the tears. I hope I never make a similar mistake. Love lost is the worst, but sometimes its all for the best reasons in the world. Maybe your destined to be with someone who is even more special.





Good luck
Reply:Too much attention spent on rhyming.





Also, it would be more powerful as an emotion if you took all that you're feeling and put it into 3 or 4 lines. Or at least each of those sections condensed into shorter, more direct, more intense imagery.





For example, if I'd written it, I might do this:





Have you been so scared even waking up was a mistake?


If you want to be happy don’t become his wife.
Reply:Don't be mad at yourself, you did the right thing. You'll find love again, and when you're ready to marry you will, too many people get married thinking it's the last chance they'll have, and ultimately, it just doesn't work. You handled the situation with his new partner with maturity and grace. You are too good of a person to live a loveless life, so don't lose hope.
Reply:i am more depressed than i was beofre reading this..

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